Junctions of Thought

Stories and Resolutions

2011-04-25T10:21:00.004-05:00

I'm not really sure why, but today I have been very impressed with the uniqueness of everyone I have seen. I've found myself wondering what each person's story is. What stories are underneath the headphones, walking around in the rubber boots, smoking out in the rain, fixed behind a computer screen?

I re-read Jonathan Edward's Resolutions today. Here are some that caught my attention:

Resolved, Never to do any thing out of revenge.

Resolved, That I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.

Resolved, To maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking.

Resolved, Never to do any thing, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.

Resolved, Whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then, both carefully endeavour to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.

Resolved, Never wilfully to omit any thing, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions. (Personal note: I've been thinking about this with regards to regret lately. The things I regret the most are the things I have not done.)

Resolved, To improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer.

Resolved, Very much to exercise myself in this, all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness of which I am capable, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him, all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance, according to Dr. Manton’s Sermon on the 119th Psalm.

Resolved, After afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them; what good I have got by them; and, what I might have got by them.

Batchin' It!

2011-01-22T17:45:00.006-06:00

I tried a new recipe tonight: baked, stuffed poblanos. As I don't have a deep fryer/don't want to mess with deep frying on the stovetop, I thought I would try baking my poblano peppers instead of making chille rellenos. I consulted a few (and there are only a few) online recipes for stuffed, baked poblano peppers to see about how long I should bake them, but made up the stuffing ingredients on my own.

Here's what you'll need:

2 large poblano peppers

1 serrano pepper

3 oz cream cheese

4 oz mozzarella cheese

1 tsp ground cumin

2 tsp minced garlic

Here's what I did:

Preheat oven to 350*F. Wash all peppers. Slit poblano peppers from top to bottom so that the can be pried open. Add 1 tsp minced garlic to each pepper. Add 1/2 of the finely chopped serrano pepper to each pepper. Pry open peppers and evenly through out the pepper add 1.5 oz cream cheese to each pepper. Next, add 1.5 oz mozzarella cheese to each pepper. Place on a greased baking sheet and bake for 20-25 minutes (or until peppers are 90% soft). Remove from oven and sprinkle remaining 1 oz of mozzarella over peppers. Sprinkle a dash of ground cumin over each pepper. Place peppers in the oven and continue baking (or broiling if peppers are completely soft) until cheese is golden brown. Remove from oven and let cool for a few minutes before serving.

I think these would be go well with a side/bed of Mexican rice and an nice IPA/bitter beer to cut the spiciness of the peppers. The serrano packs a punch!

2010-12-02T22:44:00.002-06:00

Reading through some blogs I subscribe to, I came across a link to this, and found it humoring. If you've ever been on a plane for more than three hours, you might too.

2010-11-30T11:07:00.003-06:00

What do you all think about the new TSA screening methods?

On History Class

2010-11-19T15:05:00.003-06:00

"We learn history for the sake of dates. It is quite unimportant to see the history of the world in proper perspective, to understand the relations of cause and effect; but it is of the greatest possible importance that we should know the dates of battles and coronations." -Ernst Toller

Drug Bust

2010-11-17T15:04:00.002-06:00

Some folks in a corner house on Caddell Lane got a surprise visit from the cops around 2:10pm today.

Jobs

2010-10-27T15:53:00.003-05:00

Almost everyday now there arrives in my mailbox a flyer telling me that Sharon Parker or some other candidate wants to ship our jobs to Missouri or China or the Moon. I've been applying for jobs since I arrived back in Norman to no avail. Recently I've begun to believe that Norman jobs are actually being outsourced to the moon.

Today I had an interview with the Sooner Express department of the OU Libraries system. If you are not acquainted with the Sooner Express system, you should be. It is a wonderful service that has saved me valuable time by having the books I request available for pickup at the circulation desk in Bizzell. Imagine a job that requires one to search through thousands of books to find the one (or two or 150) book that someone needs. That's what I would be doing working for Sooner Express. Treasure hunting for books. Working for Sooner Express is pretty much my dream student job.

I think the interview went well. I should hear back by Friday.

One Man's Story

2010-09-27T10:28:00.004-05:00

I just read an article about one man's life with autism. The first man ever diagnosed with autism: Donald Gray Triplett.

It is worth the read.

Dear Readers,

2010-09-02T11:36:00.003-05:00

I, having not had the resolve or self-discipline to faithfully post, and, in my defense, having been essentially removed from modern society and all its technological gimmicks, confess to my readership my failure to provide, what is but a mere puff of air in the blogosphere, but which I hope would come as a breath of fresh air in the midst of the the daily smog of modern life, my thoughts, observations, and creations.

Did you miss me?

Once again I must step back and wonder.

2010-08-13T23:32:00.005-05:00

Why am I the Westpoint Cadet and not the Pinball Wizard?

Realization

2010-08-12T19:15:00.001-05:00

I love the smell of rain on hot asphalt.

I thought I'd spice this blog up a bit.

2010-03-26T22:16:00.005-05:00

Sorry for the few sour notes. I recorded this in one take and I didn't feel like redoing everything.

Comments? Critique?

Eine Empfindung

2010-03-25T18:31:00.002-05:00

Das Leben wäre einfacher, wenn die Menschen auf den Bäume gewachsen sind.

Seek Up

2010-03-02T17:15:00.002-06:00

This song came on yesterday on my way home from work.

I wish I had time to play my guitar.

Sigh.

Change

2010-02-10T15:39:00.003-06:00

I just came across an old word document I wrote in high school for a leadership group, containing an outline of what I wanted to do with my life. Talk about a blast from the past!

It is as follows: What do I want to do with my life??? Graduate high school with honors, go to Germany on Foreign exchange, go to college on scholarship, major in architecture and minor in music/German, career: SWAT/Army Rangers/Army Special Forces, retire service and go into Architecture, die.

That is not at all what I desire to to with my life today. Nor am I the same person who I once was, yet I still am. Funny how things change.

Those of you who have only known me since college, does what I wanted to do with my life surprise you?

New Firmware

2010-02-09T23:54:00.005-06:00

When I rode my bike to class this morning, all the water on the side of the road was frozen. It was that cold outside! By the time I made it to class, tears were running down my face. I'm surprised my nose hadn't fallen off.

Other news, I'm waiting on a cog. As soon as it arrives, my bike will be complete. I've already switched out my front wheel. A few more days and all the other bikes on campus are going to be really jealous!

I read the play Woyzeck by Georg Büchner for my 19th century German literature class today. You can watch Werner Herzog's film version of the play for free on YouTube. I found the piece to be interesting. It raised some interesting moral questions. The answers to those questions can be found here.

I installed an app on my iTouch that allows me to read PDF files. It's really handy. This way, I don't have to lug my laptop with me to class.

I'm about to start researching for my papers. I am not looking forward to the distractions I will encounter.

Buyer's Remorse?

2010-01-28T15:22:00.004-06:00

Well, the deed is done. I purchased a new wheelset for my bike. Here are the specs: black Alex R-450 32 hole rims and black Formula flip-flop hubs. The days of the suicided cog/lockring combo and quick releases are about to come to an end. Huzzah! No longer shall my chain come off in the middle of an intersection (Yes, that has happened. Multiple times. Scary!). I cannot wait to ride with legitimacy!

I've done lots of research on hubs and rims lately. I guess it took an ice storm to make me break down and actually buy myself a safe and effective means of transportation. I am justifying the 130 USD (note: that included a lockring, cog, and chainring bolts) I just spent by reminding myself that only spent 10 USD on the bike I have used for the past year and a half.

Will I have buyer's remorse?

Thoughts from today.

2010-01-28T01:06:00.006-06:00

1) The Apple iPad is an iTouch that won't fit in my pocket. It also sounds like Apple is trying to break into the feminine product market.

2) My guitar amp sounds best at loud volumes. I need to turn down the tweeter volume.

3) I really need a new wheelset for my bike.

4) "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Wow!

What to do with a few spare minutes?

2010-01-26T17:16:00.004-06:00

I have thirty minutes till I leave for class.

Tuesday evenings means sitting in a desk for two hours and forty minutes, while I listen to my professor lecture about the German language.

I entered all of my major assignments into my google calendar this afternoon. My semester looks something like this: reading, reading, writing, reading, researching, reading, studying, reading, researching, reading, studying, reading, writing, reading, researching, reading, studying, reading, researching, reading, writing, reading, writing, reading, writing, reading, studying, finals.

My bike has been making scary grinding noises as of late. My feet are almost too afraid to push into my pedals for fear that they will push back and bite them. Hopefully in the near future I will acquire a new wheelset, which would fix several issues I'm having. Tomorrow I plan on finding the source of the awful noise.

Grabbing something to eat before I head out the door!

Another Beginning

2010-01-18T11:08:00.003-06:00

Classes start tomorrow.

I'm at that place where I'm anxious about how difficult my classes will be, but also ready to be back in school, yet not wanting to have all my time taken up by work and school. Isn't it interesting how we can feel a multitude of emotions over one thing?

I'm curious to see how this semester will play out. Several of the members of my social circle will graduate this semester. For them, this semester will be different from all other semesters. I'm sure they will be fraught with excitement about entering the 'real world' as well as a desire to remain where they have become comfortable. How will their actions influence those they will leave behind? How will my actions influence those I remain with?

This semester hasn't even started, yet I find myself already thinking about next year. My two roommates will leave. Who will I live with? Will I really graduate next December?

Life is going well.

An Old Journal Entry

2010-01-13T22:02:00.002-06:00

--Auszug aus dem Tagebuch von Daniel Rusco (2. Mai 2007)--

Now I am supposed to write about the Confirmation on Sunday. The ceremony in the church was okay I guess. The building was packed with friends and family who normally don't ever go to church. There was lots of (illegible word) about boredom and how unimportant church is. Six kids got confirmed. After the church part, we all came back to our house and started the part everyone likes: the party. It was a lot of fun and reminded me a bit about our family gettogethers back at home, except I think our family back in Tulsa is closer. Felix got about 1025 euro in cash money. He wants to buy a laptop. I think he should wait till his family goes to the US and buy one there because it's cheaper, but he'll probably bread and buy a not so good one from Aldi.

Yesterday Peter, Dieter's English tutor, cam to work with Dieter. I went to Martin's house and worked on our Bio project for two hours. At 18:00 I called Camp Loughridge and had a phone interview with Jacob McIntosh, the camp director. I think it went well and can't wait to find out as to whether or not I got the job. Greg Keathley is also applying and Mr. Madden is trying to talk Seth Black into working out there too.

Looking at my fellow CBYXers I saw at the start very confused, but knowledgeable, people. Now at the end I see the same people, more confused, but not knowing the extent of their confusion.

I just swung for about 15 minutes and now I feel sick.

I just took a bunch of self-photos for the Mingo Valley Christian School yearbook and now I have to figure out how to send them home by the 7th of May. Maybe I will go to Hanover and use some wireless at McDonalds.

It is so bright outside. Maybe I will go tan.

Sin and Confession

2009-12-14T11:12:00.000-06:00

I just read this article and thought I would share it with you all. It's an article from Challies.com about sin and it's consequences (if you're in a hurry, just start reading at "False Fronts Will Crumble"). I think we all need reminded every so often that our sin is sure to find us out. We start to believe the lie that our sin only affects us and therefore doesn't really matter. THAT IS A LIE! All of my sin can hurt others. ALL OF IT! We start to believe the lie that we can put off putting off sin. "It's not that big of a deal. I'll lust/lie/be lazy just this one last time." We don't just need to be reminded, however, of the consequences of our sin. We need to be reminded of the power of the Gospel and its ability to free us from sin and set us free to righteousness. We don't have to sin! In fact, when we choose not to sin, we experience lasting satisfaction and peace, not the temporal pleasure sin offers.

We cannot fight sin on our own and experience change. We are totally depraved and in and of ourselves, we will choose sin every time. This is why God created the church, as a means for the sanctification of his children. If we don't have other believers to encourage us to love and good deeds and discourage us from following our sin, we will choose sin. This is true in my life and I'm certain it's true in yours as well. If you don't want to face the consequences of your sin, first own up to your sin to someone else. James 5:16 tells us to "confess [our] sins to one another and pray for each other." We are commanded to repent of sin. I've heard it said that sin should be as widely confessed as it was known. That means if I sin against one person and nine other people find out and are affected by it, I should first confess to the person I sinned against and make that confession known to the other nine. I think this is a good principal to practice in regards to confession. The one area in which that confession model fails though is lust. Lust is personal, but it does not just affect the luster. It hurts current or future marital relationships and can even ruin good familial or friendship relationships. Don't wait till marriage to verbally confess lust to someone. If you do so, you will fight a losing battle till it's perhaps too late.

So those are just some thoughts. Everything I wrote, I wrote to myself just as much as I wrote it to you. I need reminded of the consequences of my sin. I need reminded not to believe the lies I tell myself. I need reminded of the hope I have in the Gospel. I need reminded that I need to confess my sin to others. I need reminded that obedience to the commands of Christ is eternally satisfying. I need you to keep me accountable.

I am most to be envied.

2009-12-11T20:34:00.003-06:00

A Christian's Prayer

2009-12-07T15:40:00.000-06:00

Normally when I see that someone has posted something other than their original work, I skim or skip the post. I ask that you not do so of this post. As the semester is coming to a harsh close, the chaos of the holidays is nearing, and the weight of life is found in all, let this be your prayer.
From: The Valley of Vision - A Christian's Prayer

Ten thousand snares are mine without
and within,
defend thou me;
When sloth and indolence seize me,
give me views of heaven;
When sinners entice me,
give me disrelish of their ways;
When sensual pleasures tempt me,
purify and refine me;
When I desire worldly possessions,
help me to be rich toward thee;
When the vanities of the world ensnare me,
let me not plunge into new guilt and ruin.
May I remember the dignity of my spiritual release,
never to be to busy to attend to my soul,
never be so entrossed with time
that I neglect the things of eternity;
thus may I not only live, but grow towards thee.
From my mind to right notions of religion,
that I may not judge of grace by wrong conceptions,
nor measure my spiritual advances by the efforts of my natural being.
May I seek after an increase of divine love to thee,
after unreserved resignation to thy will,
after extensive benevolence to my fellow creatures,
after patience and fortitude of soul,
after a heavenly disposition
after a concern that I may please thee in public and private.
Draw on my soul the lineaments of Christ,
in every trace and feature of which thou wilt take delight,
for I am thy workmanship,
created in Christ Jesus,
thy letter written with the Holy Spirit's pen,
thy tilled soil ready for the sowing,
the harvest.

I am here looking back and looking forward

2009-12-07T13:59:00.000-06:00

It's cold outside. That's certain. How I will get through this week is not so certain. I could make it through unscathed, but the likelihood of that is about the same as the likelihood I have of winning the lottery.

I wonder where this semester went. It obviously isn't here anymore, but I'm not sure which road it took. It must've taken the highway.

I have a German paper due Tomorrow and a research paper due on Thursday. After that, I'll be kept busy studying for the three finals I have on Monday. I know I could have petitioned to have one of them moved, but I would honestly rather be done with them that wait to take one later. Monday evening, I will probably shrivel up and quit thinking altogether.

I am looking forward to the break with much anticipation. Having no classes for three solid weeks will be so enjoyable. I hope to get to do things I have wanted to do for some time now, but haven't had the opportunity for. There are books and podcasts to be listened to! Music to be written! And good times to be had!

I'm taking a good look at my planned degree path, turning it upside down, shaking it, turning it right side up again, and replacing all the parts that fell off. Drop Linguistics? Go for a Masters in German? Seminary? I should try to figure this out before I start classes next semester.

Ramblings

2009-11-29T16:46:00.000-06:00

In just a few short weeks, school will be out for the mid-semester break. I will have one month where I will not be required to do any homework. That will be nice. I hope to fill my time with much making of music. I also hope to do some reading over the break. I will probably be in Norman for a good portion of it, working. If you will be here over the break, let me know. I will cook you dinner. If you come to my house, it will be spotless. When I am home alone with nothing pressing to do, I clean. Once I start, I continue to see things that need cleaning and don't stop until I am exhausted of cleaning.

I must admit, most of my reason for posting this is because I haven't been posting a lot lately and I feel as if I should post something even if it is lacking in quality.

I am writing this from my sister's old laptop. She got a new one because this one was running incredibly slow. It turns out that all it needed was a fresh install of Windows XP. If it had more than 512mb of RAM, I would transfer my files to this computer and use it instead, as this computer has twice the amount of hard drive space and the same type of processor. Unfortunately the RAM in my Dell is not compatible with this Sony. I could buy more RAM, but that's money I don't need to spend.

I've been realizing more and more lately that absolutely everything I do, think, or say is tainted by my sin. I somehow make everything about me. I am extremely selfish and only care about things that affect me.

I have not read any good books lately. I have, however, watched a good movie. Das Leben der Anderen became on of my favorite films after I viewed it. It is the story of a member of the secret police in East Germany who becomes emotionally involved in the lives of a suspected author and his lover whilst under his surveillance. The film is filled with themes of sacrifice and redemption. Best of all, it is in German! If you haven't seen it, go rent it. I believe it to be a worthwhile film.

Get Thee Out of Doors

2009-11-23T14:59:00.000-06:00

Dear Normanites,

Go outside.

It is absolutely beautiful! On my bike ride home from class today I kept realizing that today is the perfect day to be out camping. Everywhere I looked I saw one more reason to spend my day outside. The weather is cool enough to have a fire going all day, but warm enough to remove a layer or two and go hiking or play a game of Frisbee without being uncomfortable. It's the kind of cool that allows one to cook over a fire and enjoy its warmth without being uncomfortably hot. It is the perfect day to simply sit outside and listen to the music of nature ring in one's ears. Most of the bugs are gone, which means one can enjoy nature without constantly swatting flies and mosquitoes away. Wispy clouds give fill the otherwise clear blue sky and provide a beautiful backdrop for the fall colored leaves still holding on to summer. Those that have fallen blanket the ground, promising warmth till spring.

Oh, how I wish that I were eleven again and could relive all the memories I have of camping with Troop 26.

Delivery Confirmation

2009-11-16T20:08:00.003-06:00

After arriving home from work this evening, I was pleased to find this email in my inbox.
----------------------------------------
Greetings from Amazon.com,

We have previously requested information related to the below order due to the A-to-Z Guarantee claim. This message is to inform you that, in accordance with our agreement with you, we have determined that you are liable for the following Amazon.com A-to-Z Guarantee claim because this claim has been unsuccessfully represented. As such, Amazon.com has advanced credit to the buyer on your behalf.

Order #: 104-6416824-5797869
1 Living Democracy, Brief National Edition (2nd Edition) [Paperback] by Shea...
Claim date: October 10, 2009
Claim amount: $93.98

Please let us know if you have any questions by replying to this e-mail.

Thank you for doing business with Amazon.com.

Account Specialist
Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/
-------------------------------------------------
Ugh... Always get delivery confirmation! I made the mistake of not putting delivery confirmation on this textbook and it has come back to bite me. A $93.98 bite. I wonder if the book never arrived, or if Janet Bourque just said it never arrived when she saw the lack of delivery confirmation so that she could get a refund. I will never know.

Filter

2009-11-12T00:30:00.000-06:00

I often wonder which thoughts I should post here on my blog. I try very hard to filter them. I don't want to offend anyone. I don't want to be too racy, too personal, too complaintive, too boring, too _____. (fill in the blank) I want to give you snippets of my life, educate, materialize my thoughts, and spur your thoughts. I would prefer, in all things, to point you to Christ. That doesn't always happen.

It's late and I should go to bed. The purpose of this post was to fill my time as I ate my midnight snack.

Snack is finished. Time to sleep. I guess I won't be posting any other thoughts tonight.

On Your Way

2009-11-09T23:43:00.000-06:00

Well, it seems as if everyone has posted something today and I feel as if I should follow in the footsteps of those who have gone before me and blazed the trails of cyberspace.

A friend mentioned the duo Eastmountainsouth to me on the eve of Halloween. You can listen to their album here. I'm about 2/3 of my way through my first listen and have already fallen in love with their sound. The vocal harmonies are blissful. The instrumentation well composed. The lyrics heart wrenching. God is so good to give us the gift of music. Eastmountainsouth does a swell job utilizing God's gift. "Hard Times" is a new favorite as well as "On Your Way." When you listen to "On Your Way" pull up the lyrics ponder them. Maybe it will pull at the strings of your heart as it does mine.

Tim Challies' wife has started a sexual detox series for women. If you are a young woman, I would recommend keeping up with the series. Actually, I would recommend it to men as well. It will help you better understand what women struggle with, so you can protect and keep them from sin. You can view the first post of the series here.

I'm on the verge of a trivially important decision. To buy a Line6 DL4 or not? I've been saving up (read "I found a large sum of money") and am almost at the breaking point. I'll let you know if I cave or not.

I learned a lot about life this past weekend. I realized several things about myself and others. I am Midas, but my touch brings more of a curse than being turned to gold. All I touch I becomes tainted by my sin.

Awake

2009-11-04T01:30:00.000-06:00

I just rode my bike home from Bizzell. I found a new study room! It was quiet tonight, but honestly I'm not expecting much from it in the future. It's rather large and I can imagine that as finals approach it will fill with students.

I get advised tomorrow! And again on Friday. Woot woot! I'm so excited for the upcoming battle with the new enrollment method on Ozone. I've only heard positive things. It's really supposed to be an improvement over the way one previously enrolled.

I should go to sleep right now, but I'm wide awake. I think the bike ride home in the chilly night air woke me up. Or maybe I over excited myself at the thought of finally going to sleep. Either way, I'm up and thought I would take this time to blog. Posts here have been sporadic as of late. Don't worry. I'm still thinking, however most of my thoughts have been going in my journal or out in conversation lately.

Today was a pretty good day. Just one weird thing happened. Oh, and my bike developed a lovely squeak after riding it in the rain last Thursday. I need to overhaul the crank bearings.

Links

2009-10-28T12:26:00.016-05:00

At OURUF this semester, we are talking about dating, sex, and marriage. So far, I have enjoyed the study. You can listen to the podcast here or subscribe via iTunes.

I want to take the time to share with you all a few links that relate to some of the things we have been talking about at RUF.

Please note that some of the material that I am am linking to is 'adult themed'.

Counseling Myself:

http://www.challies.com/archives/articles/personal-reflections/counseling-myself.php

Sexual Detox:

http://www.challies.com/archives/christian-living/sexual-detox-i-pornifying-the-marriage-bed.php

http://www.challies.com/archives/christian-living/sexual-detox-ii-breaking-free.php

http://www.challies.com/archives/christian-living/sexual-detox-ii-a-theology-of-sex.php
http://www.challies.com/archives/christian-living/sexual-detox-iv-detoxification.php
http://www.challies.com/archives/christian-living/sexual-detox-v.php

http://www.challies.com/archives/christian-living/sexual-detox-recommended-resources.php

This Momentary Marriage:

http://www.desiringgod.org/media/pdf/books_bmm/bmm.pdf

For my female readers:

http://www.boundless.org/girls/

Thinking about marriage and ministry?:

http://blog.9marks.org/2009/10/great-expectations-and-why-we-should-never-have-heard-of-william-carey-1.html

Sexual Sin is a Symptom:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDlrBQbWaoQ

Sermons on Sexuality, Marriage, etc.:
http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/sermonlist/236
http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/sermonlist/233
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/the-peasant-princess

Pornography:

http://matthiasmedia.com.au/briefing/library/1559/

http://relit.org/porn_again_christian/

Masturbation:
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/17534-is-masturbation-sin-a-follow-up

Why sex is only good in marriage:

http://randyalcorn.blogspot.com/2009/06/counting-cost-of-sexual-immorality.html

Absurd standards?:

http://www.albertmohler.com/?cat=Blog&cid=3747

I don't necessarily endorse all these links. Some of the articles I have read and re-read, others I have merely skimmed. I hope that by reading these articles you will be challenged, encouraged, and come to love Jesus more and yourself less.

Why?

2009-10-11T21:44:00.000-05:00

I ask that question a lot, about a lot of things. Bad things. Routine things. Good things.

Today something good happened to me. Very good. I was playing a few chords on my guitar after church was dismissed this morning when I received the greatest random gift I have ever received. Cedric the Centaur walked up to me and asked me if I made it up to the castle much. I don't. He asked me if I had a means of getting there. Of course I do; my magic carpet. Cedric then handed me a gift card to Merlin's Magical Meathouse. "Take your friends to lunch," he said. "That has 150 magical meatpoints on it. Enjoy!" I kept asking myself if that really just happened. Did I just receive 150 magical meatpoints to a Merlin's Magical Meathouse? I did!

My friends and I weren't able to make it to the castle for lunch today, so I still have 150 magical meatpoints. There wasn't enough time to get to the castle, eat, and get back in time for me to go to work. It would have been so enjoyable! I want to go as soon as possible.

Why? Why did Cedric choose me? Why not anybody else? He could have given it to anyone. I sure don't deserve such a gift. I don't deserve anything. Why do good things happen to me? I am so blessed! Why?

(Note: Names of people, places, types of transportation, and type of being have been changed to protect the identity of the involved parties.)

Help My Unbelief!

2009-10-06T19:51:00.002-05:00

I have such a hard time believing in the gospel. I find myself believing that people will fulfill me, but I know that Christ is the only thing that will fulfill me. Ugh... Why do I keep believing lies? Nothing here on earth can fully satisfy. I may taste satisfaction, but the deep longing of my soul can only be completely satisfied in Christ. Why do I keep looking to other things when I know that Christ is the only answer? I can smell satisfaction with the material things God has blessed me with. I can taste satisfaction in the real relationships that I have. They all point to the gospel. Only in the gospel can I smell, taste, and be full. Why don't I just look to the gospel? Is it because I cannot see and touch the gospel? Because I cannot hear Jesus speaking to me? Because I have not seen and touched my Savior? I have seen the effects of the gospel, but His kingdom is not of this world and I get so focused on this world.

I am created to glorify God and enjoy Him forever! Him, not other things. I can glorify Him through other things here on earth (relationships, serving, physical blessings, etc.), but when those things become ends instead of means I get lost and am not satisfied. Everything in my life should be a means for giving God the glory and not an end to my personal satisfaction.

I don't think about God and the gospel enough. Honestly, almost all the time I am thinking about other things. It's not bad to think about other things, but I need to view them through the lens of the gospel. Most of the time I just view them with the lens of my life rather than the lens of the gospel.

Oh God, I do believe. Help my unbelief!

--Auszug aus dem Tagebuch von Daniel Rusco (5. Oktober 2009)--

Biking in the Cold: Some Tips

2009-10-05T23:54:00.000-05:00

It's getting to be that time of year again; time for me to wear gloves on my bike ride to campus every morning. Today I got up, checked the weather and set out for class. On my way out the door I grabbed my hat to cover my wet hair and ears. My hair gets really wet when I sleep. Soaking. Like I just stepped out of the shower.

A few weeks ago I put some handlebar tape on my handlebars. It keeps the palms of my hands warm, but this morning the wind could still get to my fingers. I arrived at the bike rack behind Gaylord and reached inside my bag to get out my bike lock only to realize the sluggish state of my fingers due to the cold. This morning I remembered what it is like to ride my bike to school in the cold.

Some things to remember when riding your bike to class in the cold:
- Cover up as much skin as possible. Scarves, hats, and gloves are your best friends.
- Layer up. Several thin layers are better than fewer thick layers. They allow for you to remove layers when you've worked up your core temperature on your ride and need to let off some steam. Yes, sometimes you will steam.
- Roll up that pant leg and wear long socks. Here's where you get to be creative and show off those Christmas stockings you've received from aunt May for the past seven years.
- Above all else, don't let the cold weather keep you from biking to class.

Reflections on the Weekend

2009-09-28T13:29:00.001-05:00

Entering into the new week, I can't stop thinking about the past weekend. I feel like the weekend was wasted. I went camping, hung out with friends, talked with my girlfriend, went to church, had lunch with friends, played music with friends, studied, watched a film, and did other things I will not bore you by revealing. The activities I participated in were good, but to me none of them felt good. I didn't really have any deep conversations. I wasn't really challenged (rather, I didn't challenge myself). I just was. My weekend was a mixture of actions and reactions which combined to make much of nothing. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a bad weekend. It just wasn't what I'd hoped it would be.

A highlight of my weekend was Mat's message Sunday morning. We're going through Malachi at UFC. Mat preached on the latter part of chapter two concerning divorce and Israel's sin of marrying the daughters of foreign gods. The sermon was a good, convicting reminder to me that I need to make sure that Christ is the foundation of my relationship with Lindsey (and with all relationships). Christ and nothing more. How do I go about doing that? Prayer.. Talking about our Bible reading.. Studying the Word together.. Sharing our spiritual struggles with each other and encouraging each other.. I am so blessed to have parents who model this so well for me. During the sermon I was really convicted of my pride. I am so prideful! I look at the things I've done and think that others must think I'm just so great for doing so. I'm sick. The reality is that I am totally depraved. I rob God of His glory by trying to place it upon myself. The truth is that any good thing I do is not of myself. It is of Christ. He should get the glory. I'm sick.

The good I see coming from the past weekend is that I have a stronger desire to be open and honest in my conversations with people. I desire to be more intentional with my questions. My weekend wasn't a total failure, but it wasn't all that I hoped it would be. I'm not really sure what I was expecting, but I feel like I didn't get it. In five short days I will have another weekend. Maybe this time I'll be prepared. Maybe this time I will incite challenging conversation. Maybe this time we will sharpen each other as iron sharpens iron. Until then, I have a lot of work to do.

Lake Bled

2009-09-21T21:03:00.000-05:00

I found this photo looking through some old photos today. Does part of this look familiar? It might if you've been following my blog for a while.

I took and edited this photo in 2007. Someday I would like to go back to Lake Bled. There is an absolutely beautiful church on an island in the center of the lake. Go if you get the chance.

Witness: Fists of Fury

2009-09-16T17:20:00.005-05:00

Yesterday morning traffic was backed up on Main St. So much so that I was parked in front of Norman High School. The weather was sunny and cool. It was the kind of morning that makes you want to sit on a bench and enjoy nature. I was extremely jelous of the teacher doing just that while about 50 high schoolers cliqued behind her.

I love to people watch, so while I was sitting in traffic my eyes were fixed on the walking hormones opportunities milling about on the stairs in front of Norman High. Out of nowhere, blue shirt reels back and socks red shirt in the jaw. It was a solid punch! Blue shirt's entire weight was behind it. Red shirt was almost knocked to the ground. Throughly hacked off, red shirt, who was a good 50 lbs heavier than blue shirt, retaliated and got a few good jabs in on blue shirt. Blue shirt being quicker regained the upper hand by closing in and wrapping his left arm around red shirt's neck while repeatedly punching him in the stomach. One, two, three, four, five... WHAM! Red shirt kneed blue shirt in the gut, knocking him off the ground and away from his target. Separated, both parties circled and got a few punches in on each other. At this time traffic started moving and I was required to drive on.

I'll never know who won. Honestly, I don't care who won. I don't really even care what they were fighting about. I just want to know how those two boys will turn out? What kind of men will they be? I bet they'll both have anger problems. Maybe they'll hit their children. Maybe they'll beat their wives. Maybe God will turn them from their sin.

I pray that He will.

Ganz unverwandt: Falls ich meinen Drogentest bestehe, habe ich einen Job bei Best Buy bekommen.

New Soap

2009-09-12T21:07:00.000-05:00

If you have been reading my blog for a few months, you may remember a poast post (I was just looking at recipies for a roast. Sorry about that.) on body wash. Today, after several months of using that bottle of Suave for Men, I squeezed the last bit of soap out onto my puff. Finally! I was so tired of the scent: revitalizing cool. Something about it pestered my olfactory lobes.

Today, I set out on a quest to find the perfect smelling body wash. I ventured to Walmart and settled myself in the men's soap isle. I systematicly proceeded to smell every single body wash until I had found one that suited my sense of smell. My experiment left me somewhat disappointed as I found not one bottle of body wash that my nose fancied. There was, however one bottle that fancied my nose. When I popped open the top to take a whiff, the soap shot out onto my nose. It must have really wanted to be purchased, but I'm not really into soaps that attack me.

I did purchase body wash before I left the store. How could I not? I had no body wash left. I settled for Old Spice. The scent: after hours. I bought a small bottle so that I won't have to wait as long to smell all the different body washes in the soap isle.

Trouble with the Trinity

2009-09-09T13:44:00.001-05:00

Last Wednesday during Doug's message on marriage at RUF, my mind wandered from the subject at hand and rested upon a question which to this day eludes me an answer. This question has not only refused me an answer, but also given rise to more questions with which I must now wrestle.

Why do the three omniscient persons of the trinity talk to each other (Genesis 1:26)? Does one member of the trinity know what the other members of the trinity are thinking (Matthew 24:36)? What does this tell us about community and relationships? What does this tell us about words and their significance (Genesis 1:3)? How does Christ praying to the Father relate to His hypostatic nature?

I understand why an all knowing God would talk to Adam in the garden and why a finite creature would talk with an infinite creator or with another finite creature. God teaches us through his Word. We show forth our need for fulfillment in God and our weakness when we question Him. We offer him our filth rags of praise, out of response to the gospel, when we sing to him or do deeds of service, which He accepts through the blood of His son as perfect and receives glory from. We sharpen each other as iron sharpens iron when we talk with each other. Why do the three members of the trinity speak with one another? Don't they already know everything? Why speak if you know they know?

Perhaps it is just so. Maybe that's just the way they are. I am created in their likeness.

Perhaps with a better understanding of the Trinity I will be able to understand the answers to these questions.

If you would like to take a stab at one or more of these questions, please oblige yourself and let me know your thoughts (comment).

Book Review - Praise of Folly

2009-09-02T12:35:00.000-05:00

I read Praise of Folly by Disiderius Erasmus yesterday evening for my history of the reformation class. The book in a word: satirical. Written by Erasmus after his trip to Rome where he experienced the external ritualistic religion of the Catholic Church to its fullest, Praise of Folly is an eighty page rant from the perspective of Folly. Well, mostly from Folly's perspective. Erasmus is not 100% faithful at keeping in character. In spite of the stylistic errors, the book is an excellent critique of the hypocrisy of the clergy in the early 16th century. An underlying motif throughout the book is the need for the church to focus more on internal/personal religion and less on external/ritualistic religion. Erasmus does not deny external/ritualistic religion (good works), but he does disprove of the over emphasis placed upon such by the Catholic Church. "God is a Spirit, and they that worship, must worship in spirit and truth." A devout Catholic, Erasmus wanted to reform the Catholic Church and return to an emphasis on following the example of Christ in everyday life. His writings laid the groundwork for the Reform that Martin Luther would bring about starting in 1517.

If you happen upon a few free hours, pick up a copy of Praise of Folly by Erasmus. I would recommend getting a copy of a later translation.

There is a warrant out for my arrest.

2009-09-01T17:31:00.001-05:00

Be calm, for the above statement is not true. But, what if it were? Would your view of me change? Would you think less of me? More? I hope that I never have a warrant out for my arrest, save for proclaiming the excellencies of our Saviour when it has been forbidden.

"Beep, beep, beep..." sounded my alarm at 6:55 this morning. "Ugh. Why am I doing this?" I thought. I rolled my slumbering body out of bed, reached for my eyes, and turned on my computer. Soonersports.com, you are so crimson. Not a hint of orange can be found amongst your 1s and 0s. "I don't even like football," I told myself. One of my roommates poked his head into my room. "You up?" he asked. Barely. With a few clicks of my mouse, I managed to strengthen the black hole that is my bursar bill by another 105 USD. One try, and I became the owner of a much coveted OU vs. Texas ticket. I was fortunate. Some of my friends were not. Lindsey and I are going to pair our tickets together and sell them for a significant profit. Well, we were going to...

What is more important? Friends or money? A three hour football game or 150 USD? What is the price of friendship? Does time really heal all wounds? Selfishness or selflessness?

Two of our good friends, who were planning on attending the big game, did not get tickets. We are faced with a decision: sell the tickets to a stranger for a profit or sell the tickets to our friends for face value. We could blame the fact that they did not get tickets on them not getting up on time. ''It's their own fault. They should have set their alarm just like everybody else did." Or, we could choose to model Christ's love for us by selling them our tickets and loving them when they have no merit of such love. There is only one Way.

They can't arrest me for betraying a friend, but they should if I do.

Hello Again

2009-08-31T00:54:00.003-05:00

Sitting here before my computer, I am at a loss for topics. Everything I desire to write is too touchy, too boring, too personal, too etc.

The lack of written posts over the summer can be attributed to my lack of desire to write. I could blame it on being busy, but the truth is if I really want to do something badly enough, I will do it. I am going to try to keep the posts coming at a fairly regular pace. Ideally, I will write something every other day, but I make no promises. Life is not always ideal. (I don't know why I just told you that. I'm sure you know that from experience.)

My house is hosting its second couch surfer. I may write about him in the future after I have more experiences with him. For now I will just say that he is searching.

I put handlebar tape on my bike yesterday after riding without for a year. Now, my handlebars look fat. I'm not sure if I like it, but at least the metal won't wear off onto my hands anymore.

I heard some bad news about my cousin today.

I wish I had a projector to watch Heima outside with. Our Television is too small and speakers too murky for the cinematic and musical glory of Sigur Rós. The weather today was perfect for a picnic. Did you know that within the past half century, the average american has gone from going on three picnics per year to one? People are becoming more and more apt to socialize online than in person. What is happing to us?

Thesaurus

2009-08-26T12:48:00.004-05:00

Filling out a job application, I was required to list my past places of education. For the first eight years of my school career, I was home schooled. I am not ashamed of my home schooling. I believe I was well educated both mentally as well as socially. I am, however, ashamed of the reputation other home schoolers have brought upon me. I am not a naïve, über-intelligent, socially paralytic person still driven around by his mother in a fifteen passenger van. Sadly, that's what the stereotype for a home schooler has become.

I did not desire to put down 'home schooled' for my grammar schooling, so I endeavored to find some better sounding term for my past education history. That endeavor took me directly to http://thesaurus.reference.com/. I typed in 'homeschooled' only to chuckle at what was before my eyes.

As you can see, homeschooled has no results, only suggestions. I wonder who decided that 'homeschooled' should suggest 'emasculate'. Was he homeschooled?

Try it for yourself. Here's the link: http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/homeschooled

First Day of Observations

2009-08-26T00:56:00.004-05:00

I have now attended all of my classes once. All that really means is that I now have more pieces of stapled paper trying to explain to me what the next sixteen weeks of my life will look like. No, that's not true. It means a lot more than that.

The first day of any class is one of the most important days of the class. For me, the first class is always about observation. I strategically perch myself at the back of the class so that I have an eye on all my classmates. I try to pick out who will set the curve and who will drop out. I love to watch people put on their best first impression. The words they choose, the clothes they wear, where they choose to sit all give away what they place their self-worth in. Depending on the class, I may or may not move to the front.

Being back in class has reminded me of just how needy people are. Having spent my summer in a community of godly people - it was almost like a little colony of heaven here on earth - I forgot just how broken the world really is. How hopeless we are without Jesus. How Jesus' love for us changes us from the inside out. I started to take all the blessings of camp for granted.

My classes should be (circle one) good/challenging/fun/boring this semester. I only have one professor who I find it difficult to love as a person. Pray that I would love that professor, even though my sinfulness wants to ride her off as arrogant. I am looking forward to the material that will be presented in all of my classes. I am especially looking forward to learning about how our Western view of self as an individual came about. We are going to be talking about that in 2.2 of my classes. Some of the material will be review. Most of it new.

German is a small major here at OU. That means that several of the German majors have multiple classes together. Pray that I would be able to reach out to my fellow German majors and share with them the love of Christ. I tend to not reach out to people I don't know that well. That is pride on my part. I need to get over myself.

Well, that's all I've got in the way of classes right now. There are a lot of other things happening in my life as well, but more on that later.

Close Open

2009-07-31T11:53:00.005-05:00

My plan this summer was to stay in Norman, work a bearably boring job, read several books, write and record an EP, work on this blog, take care of my house, fancy up my friends shed, help out at my church, meet with my campus minister, and live a generally peaceful life. God took away my plan and gave me his plan. I was not able to find a job in Norman, but through a series of divinely ordained events, I ended up as the photographer for New Life Ranch. I haven't been able to do any of the things I planned on doing, but I realize that God has taught me things here that I would not have been able to realize in Norman. God wanted me to be surrounded by brothers and sisters who I am able to minister to and who minister to me. Coming to the ranch, I had no idea why God wanted me to be here. I still don't fully understand his reasoning for placing me here.

Today is my last day as photographer here at the ranch. Everyone else has one week left, but I will be leaving to go to the Worship God conference in Gaithersburg, MA with my father on Monday. Each day my excitement for the conference grows. In spite the strong desire I have to go to the conference, spend a week with my dad, see my family for a few days in Tulsa, and ultimately be back in Norman with my good friends, I am sad to be leaving the ranch. I love the people here. I love what I do. I love Team X. I will miss walking around camp taking pictures of campers being loved by their counselors. I will miss Sigur Ros Nap Time. I will miss the times of openness with my brothers in the Xoiler room. I will miss the laughs and music of the UMF Outpost.

Sunday morning will be a bittersweet morning, as I leave one place and return to another. What a blessing that bittersweet emotion will be. Knowing that I am leaving one great community for another humbles me. I am not thankful enough to God that he has blessed me with such good gifts.

Team X has been amazing this summer: steady and unchanging. I can feel Team X, Xing over me. I have been blown away by the amount of love I have seen exhibited by my fellow members of Team X this summer. It was fun watching the new members react and adapt to our presidents. Opening ceremonies were creepy as usual. I was encouraged to learn this summer's motto: multus exivit sanguis. During the past seven weeks, I have established solid, loving relationships with some of the new members of X and have further grown previous relationships with Xers from last year (Headless, I love you!). Leaving my fellow Xers will not be easy, but I can rest in the fact that we are always there for each other, not just while we are at the ranch.

God used this summer to allow me to refocus my life on him. Last year, I started at a new school coming off of a camp high and ended with a lack of fervent zeal for the Lord. This year I desire to combat that spiritual entropy by being more transparent primarily with my housemates and secondly with my friends. I want to pray more with my housemates and friends. I would like for us as a group to reach out to the lost in Norman more: invite them into our homes and share with them the things God has blessed us with.

I will see some of you shortly, others not.

Wait!

2009-07-27T19:50:00.006-05:00

Today has been a day full of waiting.

I waited in line for breakfast. I waited for the morning activity classes to start so I could take pictures. I waited for second hour archery to start so I could take pictures. I waited for MCP to start so that I could take pictures. I waited for my photos to load to my computer. I waited in line for lunch. I waited for afternoon activities to start after lunch. I waited on the barge for some Nehis. I waited for the Nehis to start their challenge activities so I could take pictures. I waited to see what the rain plan was. I waited for my photos to load to my computer. I waited for junior dinner so I could take photos. I waited for my photos to load to my computer.

Some might view my day today as boring or frustrating, but I quite enjoyed it. Waiting gives me a chance to talk to God.

Psalm 27:14 tells us to wait for the Lord. "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Psalm 31:24 encourages those who wait on the Lord. "Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord.'"

Lamentations 3:25 tells us how God treats those who wait on him. "The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him."

Much is happening in my life. I am facing trials I never thought I would have to face. The decisions I make now have the ability to impact all of my future here on earth. That is a scary thought. Through it all, I will wait on the Lord.

Day Camp Shower and Ichabod

2009-07-23T21:59:00.004-05:00

One of the best things about day campers is that you don't have to make sure that they shower.

One of the best things about Ichabod is that he doesn't need to shower.

Toe - I've Stopped Counting

2009-07-10T13:54:00.002-05:00

Toe - Day Twenty-two

2009-06-26T13:56:00.001-05:00

Toe - Day Twenty-one

2009-06-25T15:39:00.003-05:00

Toe - Day Twenty

2009-06-24T15:33:00.001-05:00

Toe - Day Fourteen

2009-06-18T23:50:00.002-05:00

Toe - Day Thirteen

2009-06-17T21:27:00.002-05:00

Toe - Day Twelve

2009-06-16T23:41:00.000-05:00

Toe - Day Eleven

2009-06-15T17:10:00.004-05:00

Toe - Day Nine

2009-06-13T23:41:00.003-05:00

Toe - Day Eight

2009-06-12T12:39:00.002-05:00

A New Creation

2009-06-11T23:17:00.002-05:00

“…and that’s when I became a Christian, but nothing really changed.”, I heard a fellow staffer say while I was taking pictures of chapel this evening. No, no, no! That should never be! When you become a Christian, there will be change. You are a new creation. The old is gone and the new is come! You should reexamine when you "rededicated" your life to Jesus and things changed. Was that when you were really converted?

II Cor. 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come

Toe - Day Seven

2009-06-11T12:37:00.001-05:00

Toe - Day Six

2009-06-10T12:35:00.001-05:00

Toe - Day Five

2009-06-09T12:33:00.001-05:00

Toe - Day Four

2009-06-08T00:27:00.002-05:00

Friday the 5th of June 2009 I had a most unfortunate accident which involved a shovel and my big toe. There was much blood, pain, time at the doctor's office, and talk of loseing my toenail.

The next series of posts will be devoted to documenting the status of my toe.

Alexander Graham Bell

2009-05-14T01:53:00.003-05:00

I do not like to talk on the phone. I never have. I don't think that I'm very good at it. I text much more than I talk on the phone. Texting is easy. I can plan exactly what I want to say.

To overcome my dislike of talking on the phone, I am going to start calling people instead of texting them. I do not wish to cease texting, but I do wish to increase the time I spend actually talking on the phone. If I can call you instead of texting you, then I will.

I had planned to express this desire with much eloquence, but I am experiencing mental fatigue right now.

Expect a call.

Bus Surfing and Makeup

2009-05-11T10:23:00.004-05:00

I awoke early this morning to the sound of thunder and rain. Usually that sound makes me want to remain in bed, but I had a German final at eight this morning and sleeping in was not an option.

Normally when it rains, I dawn my rain gear and peddle my way through the river that forms on my street to class. I do not dislike riding in the rain. In fact, I quite enjoy riding home in the rain, because I know that at home there are warm dry clothes waiting for me and I can ride as fast as I want through the puddles without fear of hypothermia. Today, however, I did not ride my bike. Instead, I drove to the Loyd Noble parking lot and took the bus.

Taking the bus reminded me so much of Germany. Every day I would get ride the bus 20 km from Wietze, where I lived, to Celle, where I went to school, and back. Riding to school was nice because I almost always had a 'Sitzplatz' as I got on at the first stop, but coming home I was almost never that fortunate. After a year of daily bus riding, I got pretty good at bus surfing: that is standing in the isle. I got to the point where I almost did not need to cling to the railing.

Today in the bus I noticed that most of the people are rainy day riders or are accustomed to sitting down. Every single bus surfer had a death grip on the railing. No one practiced proper bus surfing stance: Body in line with the bus, feet a little more than shoulder width apart with one foot in front and one foot behind for stability. Instead they stood, feet together, being tossed about by every turn or stop the bus made.

I arrived at class a good fifteen minutes early and started talking with my other early classmates and looking over some vocabulary. About ten minutes till eight, a girl, walked in and sat down facing me in one of my other classmates usual spots. I thought she had entered the wrong room as I did not recognize her, but then she spoke and I realized that this mysterious girl was the girl who sat across from me the entire semester. She had not put her makeup on today. I sat there baffled that she could look so different without makeup. Before she had a blemish-free, sororit-girl, over-makeuped face, but today she looked real. She sat in her desk with her face down not looking at anyone, ashamed of who she really was.

Girls (generally speaking, DNOR) feel as if they must cover every blemish or face rejection. They feel as if their outward beauty is all that matters. Thus, that is all they focus on and end up becoming living mannequins. That breaks my heart. Although men do value physical beauty, deep down they really want a "healthy, tender, passionate, enduring, mutually satisfying relationship with one woman". Just like women truly want a "healthy, tender, passionate enduring, mutually satisfying relationship with one man". The prettiest girls I know wear little to no makeup.

My classmate probably went directly home after class and died a little in front of the mirror.

"Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart" by John Ensor is on of the only books I would say you need to read. In it you will find the above quoted text. I have a copy in Tulsa if you want to borrow it.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T19:07:00.004-05:00

I do not like to post other things on my blog, but I read this poem that John Piper wrote for his wife Nöel today and have to share it with you.

The Weight of Generations
You bear them yet, this progeny,
   These little ones you bore.
And, oh, how changed your mothering
   Since you were twenty-four.
You once were carried on the wings
   Of hope and expectations,
And now you carry in your soul
   The weight of generations.
But you have learned whose back can bear
   The heaviness of years,
And I have seen you load his back,
   And soak his robes with tears.
No mother ever touched his robe
   And met disdain or jest;
And generations yet
   Will rise and call you bless’d.

That's the kind of wife I want. One who turns to Jesus.

10-1

2009-05-10T00:03:00.002-05:00

I have this list of about twenty different subjects I could blog about, but as per usual, I do not want to blog about them.

Ten people are at my house.

Nine of us are from Tulsa.

Eight of us are going to Florida in a week.

Seven of us are inside.

Six of us are in the College of Arts and Sciences.

Five of us are barefoot.

Four of us ate dinner together.

Three of us are leaving.

Two of us are dating.

One of us is a gnome.

All-nighter

2009-05-08T00:40:00.004-05:00

I work well under pressure. That is to say, I work under pressure. Normally when I have a paper due, I wait till the day before and lock myself away until it is done. This usually means losing some sleep, but until last night, I had never pulled an all-nighter. The truth is, I did not really need to pull one so much as I wanted to pull one. I could have slept for a few hours.

I am an experience junkie. I will try anything once. Yesterday night I tried an all-nighter. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. My level of tiredness plateaued around 4:00 am. I went throughout the day as usual with no major hindrances. I was not overly tired. I feel as if I functioned normally. Going without one night of sleep is doable, however if I were to try and pull an all-nighter tonight, I believe tomorrow would be filled with unpleasant repercussions.

I apologize for the uninteresting nature of this post. I am a bit tired.

Germany

2009-05-05T23:49:00.004-05:00

Once again I sit here lacking the desire and creativity to write. I must write.

People often ask me about my time in Germany as an exchange student. What was it like? Did I enjoy my time over there? What did I learn? What was the hardest thing? Why Germany? What are Germans like? Why did you go? Do you like Germany or America better?

Those questions are not all easy to answer and I should probably devote an entire post to each individual one, but this post will seek to give brief answers to those questions.

What was it like? It was like noting else I have ever experienced. It was hard, but worth all the pain. Some days all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and stop existing, but other days were some of the best days of my life.

Did I enjoy my time over there? Yes, absolutely. I learned so much about myself and the world. I loved exploring the towns. I loved learning about the culture. I loved learning the language. I loved talking to people and hearing their ideas and opinions.

What did I learn? I learned so much. A lot of what I learned I only realized once I was back in the United States. To list all I learned would bore you. Some of the larger lessons I learned were: how to live as a Christian in a non-Christian environment and how to adapt.

What was the hardest thing? The hardest thing was not being in communion with other believers. It sucked.

Why Germany? Ever since I was little I have had an odd fascination with Germany. I think it came about from watching the old Indian Jones movies with the Nazis. I was terrified of the Nazis. I believe my curiosity stemmed from that terror.

What are Germans like? Germans are organized. They take the neatest notes. They treat violence like we in Oklahoma treat sexuality and vice versa. There are several differences, but the similarities far out way them. We are, after all, both human.

Why did you go? I just went. I mean, why not?

Do I like Germany or America better? There are certain things I favor with each culture, but I do not view one culture as being better than the other. They are simply different. I love the city planning of Germany, how I could use public transportation or walk anywhere. I love the 'superficiality' of the American way of life, how people always ask you how you are doing.

There you have it. I am sure you now have more questions due to the brevity of my answers, so post them and I will do my best to answer.

Worship

2009-05-03T16:52:00.005-05:00

I just spent the past fifteen minutes brainstorming about subjects for blog posts. I came up with some ideas that I think you will enjoy reading my thoughts about. Some of the ideas are serious. Some not. Some of the ideas are original. Some not.

"Well, okay Daniel. That's cool. Why did you tell us that? Why not just pick one and write?" Good Question. Answer: I do not want to write about them right now. It is not that I do not want to write right now. I enjoy writing (most of the time). I just do not want to write about one particular thing right now. I would rather free write (that is write without plan for a set amount of time).

Here goes nothing. I'll try to make it a bit organized and perhaps thoughtful. No guarantees.

Last night I arrived home around nine o'clock to pick and practice songs for UFC today. I had meant to do so yesterday afternoon, but the pool took precedence. Then there was the RUF End of Year Cookout (which made me smell like campfire). After the cookout there was the chance to go do things with some friends, but I knew I had a responsibility. I drove my friend home in the rain in my other friends car and then got to work.

Yesterday evening was on of the best evenings I have ever spent alone. I sang hymns in my room for a good two hours. I love singing hymns. As I do not get to choose songs for UFC every Sunday, I picked some of my favorites. Choosing songs for worship is an interesting task made more interesting by the relatively small congregation size of UFC and the fact that I do not know which songs everyone knows. The fact that we are small rules out songs with echos. The fact that I do not know which songs everyone know means I cannot pick some songs for fear of being the only one singing.

UFC meets in The Red Room on Main Street. The Red Room is a venue perfect for a four piece band or a stand up comedian. There is a small stage with stage lighting about three feet off the ground at the front of the room and a bar in the back. One can gauge the quality of the weeks events by the aroma the room gives off. Today when I walked in it smelled like beer and cigars. It must have been a good show.

Leading worship for UFC feels like performing. I stand on the stage, lights shining down on me as the congregation stairs up at me. When we sing I can hardly hear the congregation because the sound of my voice and guitar in my monitor overpowers their voices. It is a most disconcerting feeling. It seems so anti-worship. I am used to hearing my brothers and sisters lift their voices in praise to God. I like hearing their voices. It spurs me on to praise.

The next time I get to lead worship for UFC I am not going to stand on the stage. Next time I am not going to use the PA system, just my amp.

I want you to come to UFC.

Friends

2009-05-01T14:11:00.003-05:00

The semester is coming to a close and soon Norman will be left quiet and lonely until next August when it will become alive with the hustle and bustle of college life. In two weeks, life as I know it will change. I do not know where I will be or what I will be doing, but I do know that my circle of friends is going to be torn from me for three months.

I am very thankful for my friends. God has blessed me abundantly by giving me like-minded people I can fellowship with. I am going to miss them this summer. I will miss the good conversations, the laughs, the sharing of meals, the campfires, and staying up till the wee hours of the morning doing nothing in particular. I love my friends.

I love my friends, but I have failed my friends. I have not been the leader or the example I should have been. In spite all the time I have spent with my friends, I have not shared in their burdens. I have not rejoiced with those who rejoice and wept with those who weep. I feel as though are time together, while fun, was mostly wasted. It was spent on frivolity and void of real worth.

A few weeks ago at Relish, Doug had us break into groups of three and pray for one another. I was in a group with two people I see almost every day. We prayed for each other. It was so refreshing. That is the kind of community I desire. I want to really know my friends. I want to know their joys and struggles. I want them to know my joys and struggles. Real friendship comes with transparency. Real friendship is not easy, but it is necessary if we are to grow into the likeness of Christ.

I am already looking forward to next year. I cannot wait to see what challenges it will bring. My goal for the next two weeks and for next year is to foster real, transparent relationships by sharing in the joys and struggles of my friends.

What is one of your goals for next year?

Suave for Men

2009-04-30T12:21:00.000-05:00

Growing up in right-winged Christian circles I heard a good deal about feminism. I heard how our society is being transformed into a feminist society. I heard how this transformation is going to fundamentally mess up the world.

Today in the shower I had a realization when I reached for my body wash: Suave for men. Our society is not a feminist society. You have only to worry when you walk down the soap isle in the store and nothing is marketed to a specific sex. Men and women are fundamentally different- insofar as what we wash ourselves with - and this will never change. We were created for the same ultimate purpose: to glorify God. This purpose works itself out in two equally unique and important ways: a masculine way and a feminine way.

I do not wish to condemn feminism or condone a masculine oriented society. In a perfect world, men and women would have equality. In a perfect world, there would be no sexism. In a perfect world, we would fulfil our biblical roles.

The Offical Oklahoma Daily Process

2009-04-27T11:34:00.005-05:00

Of all the newspapers I have ever read, The Oklahoma Daily takes the cake. It is the most ridiculous and frivolent paper my eyes have ever perused. Rarely, if ever, are there articles about anything other than what directly pertains to OU and the student body. I realize it is a university paper written for the students at OU, but a world news or even a national news section could only help. I mean, seriously, there is nothing about anything outside of Norman. Amidst the overabundance of ads and irrelevant articles, The Oklahoma Daily does have one redeeming quality: the police reports.

I love reading the police reports (which open, "...[t]hose listed are innocent until proven guilty." Um... They are guilty...). I take a fiendish joy in hearing about the stupidity of other people. Almost daily arrests are made for possession of alcohol, public intoxication, and possession of marijuana. Occasionally there will be reports of burglary, trespassing, or assault and battery. First degree murder and statutory rape are even listed every now and then. People are stupid. I do not condone these behaviors or the people that commit them, but if you are planning on committing a crime, do me a favor and be stupid enough to get caught. I will appreciate it.

Today as I was reading the police reports, something caught my attention. Howard Eugene Parris, 57, and Maria Kathryn Fairchild, 47, were cited for "interference with official process." "Interference with the official process" seems a bit vague to me. What is the official process? What constitutes interference? Apparently there is only one right way to get things done according to the law, and if you attempt to alter it in any way they will get you for it. When I was sixteen, I wrecked my car and got a ticket for 'conditions affecting speed.' To this day I have no clue as to what that means, nor do I think I will ever find out.

Tomorrow will come a new edition of The Oklahoma Daily and I will pick it up, if only for the police reports.

On My Mind, Oh The Time

2009-04-27T00:32:00.004-05:00

Right now my decision to blog every other day is taunting me, but there must exist days like today. Days where there is nothing I desire to write about and my pillow tempts me like the adulteress in Proverbs 5:3. Biding me to lie down and rest my weary head in its soft, feathery comfort. But no, "her steps lead straight to the grave." I must write.

In one of my late blog entries I presented my readership with a metaphorical situation. Upon first read, most of my readers were bored. Then, I told them it was a metaphor. Minds raced. What could it mean? Is it about what shirt he should wear, what food he should eat, where he should work this summer, or which girl he should date? The latter seems to be of the most interest amongst my friends. Above all, my female friends. I find it interesting that they keep bringing it up (although it does make sense). Do not worry. It is not annoying. You can still voice your theories to me. I enjoy hearing what you think.

Perhaps it is about my summer job. Perhaps it is about which girl I should date. I will let you decide. I suppose the metaphor could work for a myriad of decisions. Withholding the intended meaning of the metaphor is sadistic of me. I know. But I like giving you something to ponder when you are trying to fall asleep at night. I will be pondering other things as I fall asleep, for I know what it is about.

Keep guessing!

Music

2009-04-24T12:51:00.007-05:00

Last night I was involved in a discussion about art: specifically what is the highest form of art. It all stemmed from my disagreement with a statement about art-history being awe-inspiring. While I do hold art-history to be interesting, even important, I do not consider it awe-inspiring. Perhaps my rating system is too harsh. Perhaps I lack enough knowledge to fully appreciate art-history.

Art is curious. It comes in many forms: paintings, literature, film, photography, sculpture, music, the list goes on. Creating a hierarchy of art is difficult, nay impossible, due to the subjectivity of rating. What I deem to be awe-inspiring you may deem repulsive. That is beauty. I do, in spite the realization of the impossibility of a hierarchical classification of art, hold music to be the highest form of art. Highest is a bad word choice. Music is the most essential.

All cultures worship music. From the aristocracy of Europe to the bushman in Africa, music plays an integral part in society. Music is everywhere. It is in films, written about in books, and depicted in pictures. More people flock to music festivals than any other type of art exhibition. The majority of people spend far more time listening to music than they do reading literature or looking at art.

Something about music goes further into man's soul than any other art form. Words cannot describe the feelings music can bring upon an individual. Listen to Ludwig van Beethoven's fifth symphony or Joseph Hyden's Symphony No. 34. Better yet, go watch Disney's Fantasia with a blanket over the screen! Music may not be as intellectual as literature or as pretty as a painting, but it reaches inside you and moves your soul in an inexpressible way.

Psalm 150:

Praise the Lord!

Praise God in his sanctuary;

praise him in his mighty heavens!

Praise him for his mighty deeds;

praise him according to his excellent greatness!

Praise him with trumpet sound;

praise him with lute and harp!

Praise him with tambourine and dance;

praise him with strings and pipe!

Praise him with sounding cymbals;

praise him with loud clashing cymbals!

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord!

Imagine a world without music.

Music is awe-inspiring.

What do you hold to be the highest form of art?

An Example and a Goal

2009-04-22T11:34:00.007-05:00

2000 days ago, Tim Challies made a commitment to blog every single day. He put a counter at the bottom of his blog that ticked over once every twenty-four hours to serve as a reminder of his promise.

In today's entry at challies.com, Challies writes, "[a]nd there are people who wonder if I have some brilliant long-term strategy for this blog. The answer, not surprisingly, is no. That's just not the way my brain works. I rarely think more than a day or two in advance and have really never done so." I am Tim Challies.

As you know, I have been searching for a theme for this blog, only to find more possibilities than I am capable of pursuing. I now realize that if this blog is to be at all consistent, one dedicated theme will not work. The only consistency I can have is regularity. I, like Challies, only think a day or two in advance. My thoughts are broad and eclectic.

With the idea of a theme now by the wayside, I wish only to be committed to regular blogging. My goal is to write every other day. Who knows? Perhaps I will exceed my goal and blog daily. Perhaps not. I am not worried about my readership's interest (after all, you are reading this right now). This blog will be merely what it is titled: Junctions of Thought. My thoughts. No theme. No rules. No promises. Just regularity.

Here is a link to Challies' entry:

2000

The Rape of Mark Driscoll

2009-04-17T13:37:00.006-05:00

One of the blogs I follow is challis.com. Challies.com is a fundamentalist Christian blog. Regularly, Tim Challis posts links to other blogs or websites of note. Today Challies posted a link to the fourth and final blog post of a series entitled "The Rape of Solomon's Song" by John MacArthur.

In his blog series, MacArthur addresses how the church is turning to sex as advertisement. MacArthur specifically takes aim at Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill Bible Church in Seattle; equating his 2008 sermon series entitled "The Peasant Princess" over Song of Solomon to soft porn.

MacArthur holds that Driscoll is too graphic and flippant about the subject at hand. MacAuthur believes Driscoll's sermon series to have crossed the line of impure thinking. He believes that the metaphors in Song of Solomon should not be explored. Leave the book as it is. Do not try to read anything into the scripture. Now, I do not know your interpretation of Song of Solomon, but I believe it is talking about the relationship between a husband and wife: specifically their intimicy. One of the blessings of marriage is sex. God created us sexual beings. To ignore that is to not give God all the glory for his creation.

We live in a culture that is constantly bombarded with sex. From television shows and ads to billboards and mannequins, every thing screams sex. For the church to remain silent about this issue would be a grave error. Statistically, married christian couples are as sexually discontent as secular couples. An equal amount of christian men and secular men are porn addicts. God has outlined for us in his Word what biblical sex is to look like. If the church does not teach God's standard by either ignoring sex or painting it as evil, I fear we will follow the world and end up like the Church in Corinth.

Yes, Driscoll can be a bit brash at times, but I wholeheartedly believe that he is trying to preach the Word of God for the edification of his congregation and the furtherance of the Gospel. Driscoll's audience needs to hear the message of Song of Solomon. Seattle is a modern day equivalent to Corinth. It is one of the most liberal cities in the United States. Major animistic and pornographic festivals are held in Seattle every year. Driscoll did not preach on Song of Solomon to attract people to his church. He preached on Song of Solomon because his church needed to hear its message.

It pains me greatly to see so much dissension amongst the church. Leaders defaming other leaders is does not show the world Christ's love.

Here is a link to Driscoll's sermon series "The Peasant Princess":

The Peasant Princess

Below you will find the links to John MacArthur's blog posts:

The Rape of Solomon's Song (part 1)

The Rape of Solomon's Song (part 2)

The Rape of Solomon's Song (part 3)

The Rape of Solomon's Song (part 4)

I encourage you to listen to Driscoll's sermons and see if you think MacArthur is right in his accusations.

Hmm... I'd say 7.3.

2009-04-16T12:29:00.005-05:00

Well, I now know that my readership does not interest itself in business. So, I will shy away from economic musings in my future posts.

A reoccurring topic of conversation amongst certain members of my circle of friends has been the superficial rating of individuals based solely on physical characteristics. Hot or not? The scale ranges from 0 to 10 with 0 being the uttermost of ugliness and 10 the embodiment of beauty. If one took every single human being, put them in a giant bowl and stirred them up, the mix would be a 5.

Now, there are a few rules one must follow when rating individuals: 1) Never, under any circumstances, rate yourself. 2) Never rate anyone currently in your presence. 3) Never rate your significant other. Breaking any of these rules will only result in a negative outcome.

One of the controversies of this conversation is if there exist 0's and 10's. I hold that 0's and 10's exist only as ideals. 0's and 10's cannot exist in actuality for two reasons: 1) differing standards of beauty and 2) imagination. We receive our standard of beauty, in part, to our experiences. True, there exists an absolute standard of beauty in the one true God, but our interpretation of this absolute standard is effected by our adventures. For instance, I do not think people who wear black lipstick and black leather clothing are beautiful. I know, however, that some people view this as beautiful. Namely because I witnessed one such madly in love couple just yesterday. Thus, a 0 or a 10 could not exist for mere discrepancy amongst individual standards. Now imagine if one such 0 or 10 were to curse or bless us with his or her presence. They could not be a 0 or a 10 because whatever they are, we could imagine someone better or worse. There exists always the possibility of someone a little more ugly or a little more beautiful.

One thing I find extremely intriguing about rating people based on looks is that most people, if asked, would say that it is extremely superficial. Yet, despite their stated beliefs, they do it anyway. Everyone does it. If you don't think you do, take a look at your friends. I bet they are, on average, about as good looking as you. Look at the world. 9's run with 9's. 3's run with 3's. Better looking people get better jobs. This is how the world works.

The most beautiful people I know are the people who reach down from their high status and love people the world tells them they shouldn't. I challenge you to follow their example. I do not do so as I should.

What do you think? Is our judgement of others based on physical beauty legitimate?

Decisions Desisions

2009-04-14T22:00:00.007-05:00

While I wait for either more comments on the direction this blog should take or an epiphany, I will continue the sporadic non-thematic postings.

Here is a metaphoric situation:

Entity A has the opportunity to enter into a business partnership with Entity B, Entity C, and Entity D. Entity A is a mid-sized corporation with the potential to become a large enterprise due to some investments that will pay off within the next year and a half. Once these investments have come to fruition, Entity A will grow by a prospected 15-25%. Each of the three Entities with which Entity A has the opportunity to co-invest with represents a different strategic outcome.

Entity B:

Entity B represents a good long-term investment with a successful outcome. Entity B has been a stable company since its founding. It has survived two major economic crisis with only minor losses. Although the net worth of this company is smaller than all other possible business partners and the possible profit not as enticing, there is a guaranteed profit to be made.

Entity C:

Entity C also represents a good long-term investment with a successful outcome, but the risk factor is greater. During the first economic crisis, Entity C sustained major losses, but was able to survive the second crisis with only minor losses. The net worth of Entity C is 47% greater than that of Entity B, but Entity A would be forced to invest a greater share of its assets with the possibility of a larger profit.

Entity D:

Of all the Entities, Entity D has the greatest net worth and the most investing power. As Entity D has only been in existence for a short time, the stability of the company is not know, but analysts predict the future of Entity D to be very good. Entity D represents a sure profit both now and in the long run. One must, however, take into consideration the fact that one year ago there was a fallout within Entity A and two previous members of the board of directors are now serving as the leadership for Entity D.

Economists predict that in three years, the economy will undergo a severe depression. If Entity A is to invest, the probability of withstanding the depression is greater. Remember that the investments Entity A made will pay off within the next year and a half thus making Entity A a more desirable business partner and increasing the likelihood that Entity A could withstand the depression without merging. There exists still the possibility that an unknown entity will come along desire to co-invest with Entity A representing a greater outcome than any of Entity A's current possibilities.

Should Entity A invest with Entity B, Entity C, or Entity D, or should Entity A risk not investing and hope that a larger corporation will want to invest in Entity A before the predicted depression?

Please comment with your recommendation.

Hello? Are you still there?

2009-04-13T23:35:00.005-05:00

It has been too long since last blogged.

My reasons:

- I am too lazy to make time in my schedule to blog.

- I have nothing to blog about.

In order to combat this stagnancy I am setting aside time to blog. I hope in doing so to better my skills as a writer and both entertain and educate my readers.

As you may have noticed, this blog has taken no direction. My ramblings have been sparatic and diverse. I wish to focus my entries on one subject or ideal. This blog is entitled "Clairvoyant Junctions of Thought." My origional intent was to stimulate my readers intellect and reveal truths or ideas not common to everyday thought. Although I still hold these ideals in high regard, I do not believe them to be the direction of this blog.

I would like your imput as to what you envision this blog becoming. I have a few ideas, but have yet to determine the future of my writings.

Here are my ideas:

- A commentary on my musical findings.

- My thoughts on the people I see throughout the day.

- A listing of the happenings in my life.

- An observation of nature.

Please leave a brief comment with your idea(s).

Grace

2009-02-03T18:39:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I do things over and over again.

I am a creature of habit. Once I find my routine, I stick with it. Lately, I've been trying to get out of my pattern. Now, I'm not saying patters or habits are a bad thing. But, if we lead our lives free from change, perhaps we will miss something great.

I like to listen to songs on repeat. It helps me understand them. I take them apart. I listen to the lyrics, the harmonies, I'll pick out individual instruments and listen to them. Sometimes, I try to figure out what effects (reverbs specifically) are used on each instrument and voice. I try to figure out how the instruments were mic'ed and what the EQ levels were. I listen for the sounds the vocalists mouth makes with each breath or close of the lips.

Jonathan Kingham is a singer/song writer from Seattle, WA. In 2005 he won first place in the Gospel/Christian Music genre of the International Songwriting Competition for his song "Grace". The lyrics are as follows:

I have stared down the devil,

Gone toe to toe with God,

And I have wrestled with my demons.

I’ve walked where angles trod.

But still my best intentions fail me

And I give in to my frailty:

Wind up on my face.

Despite all my misgivings,

All You ever give is Grace.

And I’m the fool who never gets it.

A second chance is just a start.

Though I know that I regret it,

I’ve got a hopeless heart.

But still my best intentions fail me

And I give in to my frailty:

Wind up on my face.

Despite all my misgivings,

All You ever give is Grace.

And I have taken life for granted,

When I don’t deserve to live.

And I have given up on trying

And it is all I’ve left to give.

But still my best intentions fail me

And I give in to my frailty:

Wind up on my face.

Despite all my misgivings,

All You ever give is Grace.

This song has become my favorite song. I absolutely love every aspect of it. It captures my life in words and expresses it in music.

I'm trying to not be such a creature of habit, but I have found something good and will continue to listen to it over and over again. So should you!

Video

Audio

Fasting/Starvation: Whatever You Like

2009-01-21T01:12:00.007-06:00

So, I just finished my not quite three day fast about twelve hours early. I know. I know. "Couldn't wait twelve more hours?" No, I couldn't. Well... If someone held a gun to my hea.... You know how it goes.
"So what's it like to go without food for a couple of days?" I'm glad you asked. “It's really not all that bad once you get past the shakiness.” Or is it?

I skipped breakfast on Sunday as well as lunch. Sometimes I'm not hungry. As I was about to prepare something to eat, I was confronted with an opportunity to play disc golf. Naturally, I took the opportunity, which forced me to put off eating till later. I had one banana before I left the house. After disc golf, I returned to The Fleetwood House - my humble abode - and the idea came to me: you could do a cleansing fast!

I'll admit, at first, I was skeptical. I'd heard good things, but the information I uncovered online was, well, questionable (just search three day fast, you'll see what I mean). "Oh, why not?" I thought. "It couldn't hurt me that badly. And besides, thousands of people are starving right now. What's one more?"

I went ahead with it. Sunday post banana: no food. Monday: no food. Tuesday 11:00: Daniel breaks.

The process is not altogether a pleasant one. Thoughts of food pervade your mind. You see the pepper on the kitchen table and immediately seven different foods commonly topped with pepper invade your thinking. It feels like there is a vacuum where your stomach is: sucking the life out of you. Foods normally repulsive look tasty. Foods normally tasty look delectable. Foods normally delectable are to die for. Your only source of comfort: water. It starts off slow. You start to quiver. Your legs feel week. Then, it all goes away for a few hours, only to come back twice as strong! You walk into the kitchen because you thought you heard voices, only to realize no one is in the house with you. There's an apple on your desk. You look again and it's gone. Time bends as everything passes in a blur. You try to sleep, but it eludes you. Rest is a mere memory overpowered and abused by hunger. Then, you reject. All food becomes repulsive and anyone eating food, the enemy. Your rejection leaves you in a state of bitter despair and you long for death to or’ take you. By this time you soul has withered to non-existence. Then, you become a zombie and not even death can bring relief.

No, but seriously, everyone should try it. I feel great and clean on the inside. I'm eating tabouli right now and it's never tasted better!

Insomnia

2009-01-06T01:56:00.007-06:00

All my best work comes late at night. The moments I am most inspired usually occur after midnight.

This is most unfortunate, as my world operates about six hours ahead of me.

I lie in bed; my mind racing. Sleep eludes me.

In the morning, I wake up longing only to go back to sleep. As the day progresses, my sleepy state diminishes and I go to bed wide awake.

What can solve this problem? Rather, how can I embrace this problem and milk it dry?

Thoughts

2008-12-14T23:19:00.001-06:00

Here I sit.

I'm at the kitchen table.

Two other people are at the table with me. They are studying for finals. One of them is texting.

Two people are in the living room talking. One of them should be studying.

The noise of the dishwasher is drowning out Norah Jones.

We have a fake fire showing on the television.

Everyone but me has a warm drink.

I have two free days till finals commence.

Why am I writing this?

I wish I had an iPod. Preferably an iTouch. It would not bring me happiness, but it would be nice to listen to Pandora in the Bizzell.

I need to write my friend an email.

I applied for a credit card once and got rejected. Does that lower my credit score?

I am very bad about responding to emails. Perhaps that is because it takes me an incredibly long amount of time to write an email. Words are important. More important than you realize.

Everybody tells me I have time. I don't need to decide on my major immediately. I don't believe them. I have one semester of lower division classes left. I need to decide.

I am glad life is not in technicolor.

Sometimes I smoke a pipe. Sometimes a hookah. Will I get lung cancer?

My landlord came by yesterday morning. He is such a nice guy. We need to rake the leaves.

I am afraid that all the good ones are taken. They go quickly.

I found an old book in the library this week: The Quintessence Of Nietzsche.

Ovacatos have 60% more Potassium than bananas.

She is not for you. I don't see you two together.

The light in the living room is warm.

I will sit in there.

Hunger

2008-11-05T16:41:00.002-06:00

What we lust after is what we don't have. When we receive it, our lust of it flourishes for a time and then, like all living things, dies. No, our lust does not die - it will never die - but it simply moves on to the next thing as a bee moves on to the next flower. Oh, if only our lust were so innocent! Our desires are ever changing, yet constant. This week it is this. Next week we will have moved on, but out state remains the same. We lack. This lacking cannot and will not ever be fulfilled by objects or people. Technology fails. Intimacy fails. Nay, even religion cannot fill this ever growing void. Yet, we have brainwashed ourselves into believing that all these things are the answer. We, like addicts, franticly return to these things to mask our symptoms and distract us from the issue at hand: we are sick.

Many have gone out in search for the cure to this disease to no avail. In fact, no one has, of himself, found the cure. But it does exist! I know people who are being cured. I myself am undergoing treatment. The remedy to my problem (and yours as well) lies not in the addition of anything to myself, but in the complete erasing of myself to myself. Do not be confused. I must still exist, but my reason for existence must change. You see, when I am, I will always want for myself, but when I cease to be, I cannot want anything for myself, for I am not. I am still here, but I have no void, because any space I was trying to save for myself I gave up. I cannot, however, merely stop fighting for myself. I must have a cause. Anyone without a cause will go crazy. Since I cannot fight for myself, I must fight for you. When I meet your desires I find what has been eluding me: satisfaction. I will only be content when I stop seeking my contentment and seek after yours.

What we lust after is what we do not have.

He gave away all that He had so that we might eternally have.

He is the cure.

He is Jesus.